get baseball mail
New MLB expansion team promotes culture of biceps

New MLB expansion team promotes culture of biceps

Fred Hofstetter on July 1, 2018

A brand new MLB expansion team is creating an adorable punk identity while capitalizing on the latest market inefficiency.

New Expansion Team Player with Exposed Biceps

Some teams grow beards, untuck their shirts after a victory, or condescend. The newest MLB expansion team shows off guns.

The newest MLB expansion team is making a bold statement to firmly establish their flamboyant presence as the next winning force in Major League Baseball. Players and managers have rallied behind an initiative straight from the owner’s box intent on capitalizing on a glaring market inefficiency – the lack of exposure of skin between the shoulder and elbow.

“We’ve had many of our most trusted statisticians show empirical data from fascinating behavioral studies recommending removing any material covering the biceps and triceps area,” said the team’s president. “That particular area of the uniform seriously inhibits physical motion and has a major impact on every movement a player makes.”

Traditionally only forearms were considered crucial to remain exposed to maximize players’ litheness. But new research indicates removing clothing from the upper arm improves players’ bat speed, exit velocity, foot speed, and dexterity in the field.

The club’s front office brass insists the only barrier to break down is the stubbornness of traditional baseball fans and owners perpetually petrified of change.

“For years these dinosaurs have held players back with their insistence on sleeves,” said the team’s owner. “We’re out to change the culture and show fans what these players are really capable of.”

Sources say the team is also in the midst of research exploring the possibility of shorts, visors and crop tops.

The Latest Articles

Book Review: The Glory of Their Times

Fred Hofstetter on February 11, 2023

There's good reason why The Glory of Their Times appears on every "best baseball book of all time" list you'll find anywhere.

Book Review: Future Value - Eric Longenhagen & Kiley McDaniel

Fred Hofstetter on January 8, 2023

Discover how amateur and pro baseball scouting is done, how departments are built, and how organizations find talent in Future Value.

Baseball players wear hats because wearing a hat is correct

Fred Hofstetter on April 9, 2022

Practicality explains why baseball players may want to wear a billed cap. But why does every player always wear a hat? Because it’s the right thing to do.

Book Review: The Baseball 100 - Joe Posnanski

Fred Hofstetter on March 19, 2022

Roam the hallways of baseball history and observe baseball's greatest characters and practitioners in Joe Posnanski's The Baseball 100.

All articles